I’ve been cranky the past couple of days. I just got back home from an amazingly awesome road-trip to Portland, so I’m sure some of it is the back from vacation foul mood. There is also probably a good portion of time-of-the-month moodiness. And it’s not just because I’m on my period. That has happened every 21 days for the past 13 years, so I’m pretty good at dealing with it.
The real issue is that I’ve been massively baby crazy lately. And this might not make any sense but, it’s all emotional. If I stop to actually think about it for 2 seconds my head realizes that this is really not a good time for a baby to come along. I’m just starting this new thing in my life that I don’t really want to put on hold, my husband and I are for the very first moment ever not massively poor and want to enjoy our lives a little, but at the same time we don’t have any savings or stability that we would want before bringing a whole new life into the equation. Not to mention the fact that we have 4 pets and a super small house. Things just aren’t right at this moment. My loins, however, haven’t gotten that message.
So every month, despite taking serious precautions against it, a teeny-tiny part of me sort of hopes that I will be the .0001% of women who gets pregnant despite taking the pill correctly. Because if I accidentally get knocked up then this question of right time and right resources just disappears and we deal with it.
Not that my brain wants that. But my heart sort of does.